Smile Now, Frown Later
by ThereGoesMyHero
Summary: Saionji Hayato, a smart, attractive, well known Ouendan member. Of course he's got his ups and downs, but when he ties his pain below for far too long, it becomes an overwhelming depression. Slight HayatoXShinta. full summary inside.


_((Authors note: Well, pretty much the first story that I'm actually continuing. Probably not my favorite but, I like the idea. I have never written in first person, so it's a bit weird for me. Hopefully I've gotten all my grammar and typos corrected; if not, feel free to inform me. I'm happy to actually put up a story on a site and I hope you'll like it.  
- Melody ))_  
**  
Summary:**

Saionji Hayato, a smart, attractive, well known Ouendan member. Of course he's got his ups and downs, but when he ties his pain below for far too long, it becomes an overwhelming depression. And as the depression commercials say, "Where does depression hurt? Everywhere."

The story in general is probably going to be a mix of things, genre wise. It's kind of A.U, considering I'm not sure exactly how the characters lives actually are and such.

Plot - Hayato decides to write a letter about his feelings and leaves it up to fate to choose who finds or doesn't find his letter. A slight Hayato/Shinta, but more of a deep friendship (I'll see how the story goes along).

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_**Chapter One**_

I sighed as I entered my room through my bedroom window. I'm on the second floor and it was hell getting back into my room. I took my shoes off and stared at the cut on my hand I had receive from the climb up. Oh well.

Yes, I, Saionji Hayato sneak out of and into my house at midnight till three in the morning. Only sometimes though. When I need to think... a lot. This night was one of those thinking nights. But I was still bothered, so I quietly sat down at my desk, lit a candle for light, and took out a clean sheet of paper and a fancy, decorative, writing pen.

_To whom this may end up with,_

_Lately my depressions been settling in a bit _too_much. For many years I've been under stress and depression. It started when my sister died from a car crash (I don't feel like talking about it). My mom's been trying to get me to go to psychology. My dad doesn't want me to go. He thinks I'll be fine; that I need to sleep and eat some more. I refuse to go anyway, I will not label myself weak. Who knows, Maybe it's just my lupus taking over. I didn't think It could do that, though. _

_Well, I've never talked to anyone about this. Not even my friends. I don't want anyone to know what's happening. All my parents know is that I'm upset sometimes. I make sure I seem happy most of the time. I have a reputation, y'know. My façade is my big ego and my long hair. I'm supposedly the type of guy to look you dead in the eye, but I can hardly look in the mirror at myself. I'm a good looking guy and everything, but ... I don't know... I'm just starting to slip from my joy. I'm throwing myself into a pit of blackness. Sometimes I even think of suicide..._

_Anyway, I'm writing this because I just want to get it out. I don't even know who I'm going to send this to. I am part of the Ouendan (not telling you which team), and I love helping people, but sometimes I wish that maybe _I _could be helped. Maybe you could help... Whoever you are. Maybe you'll magically find me and possibly... I dunno... help.  
- Unknown_

I put the pen down gently. What a jumbled note of ramble, I thought to myself. Oh well, at least it is out and not locked up in my weak heart, griping at my mental health. I folded the paper and carefully put it into an envelope. I left the envelope blank and set the letter aside for now. I'd have to think of a place to put it, and now my mind is just thinking about sleep now.

I took a glance at the digital clock sitting on my nightstand and sighed. 3:56 a.m. Oh goodie. I'd have to get up in less than two hours for school. I also have Ouendan practice tomorrow. I blew out the candle, got up from the wooden desk chair, changed, and got into my bed. Good thing my parents were heavy sleepers.

As time rolled around, my alarm clock went off. Such a rude awakening. Of course as you read above, I had not slept well at all. I got out of bed slowly, and stumbled around to get ready. My father came in to make sure I was okay since at one point I had tripped while putting my pants on, and fell. All I could do is sigh and reply a yes. After getting ready I hardly had time to get breakfast so I skipped it. I wasn't that hungry anyway.

I thought about the letter I had written and how incredibly obvious it was. Someone around town ought to know it was me, but I still want to send it out. So what if I just put it somewhere that no one would look. Besides underground. When I reached my school I pushed the thoughts aside and entered, going to my scheduled classes. I didn't really pay attention during the day, which was why my grades were slipping. It was a shame, too. I was usually at the top of the class with my scores.

At lunch I had my head down, just picking at my food. I hadn't had time to pack anything so I was eating _stuff_; I don't even know what the hell it is, from the cafeteria.

"Is something wrong, Saionji-san?" came a soft questioning voice of a male.

'The voice' came to sit with me. I knew it only to be Shinta's voice; a very specific voice (if not the formality gave it away). Of course I've had time to process and analyze his unique tones. Kikuchi Shinta was one of my best friends. He was, oddly, also like my puppy. I can almost say he is _always _following me around.

I took a moment to reply to him. He asks this question almost everyday; it gets a bit old.

"No, no... I'm fine." I picked my head up and dropped down the plastic fork; folding my hands and placing them on my lap,

"How are you this fine day?"

It was indeed a nice day out; sunny, puffy clouds, and happy high school kids all around the courtyard.  
"I'm alright..." He trailed off, just as he always does when he knows somethings wrong. I was actually quite surprised, he usually doesn't notice much. Am I that obvious?  
"Well… eat up, we don't have much time." I rushed to him, picking up the ugly plastic fork again. He conformed to my command and ate, and, thank God, quietly. When the bell rang through the courtyard, I got up quickly and dumped out the uneaten food, and turned to Shinta.  
"I'll see you at practice." I assured his worried face and strapped my messenger bag on my shoulder and left.

The rest of the day was unclear to me, like a blur. I saw Shinta a couple more times, some of the girls that go to Ouendan practice, and other students I was acquainted with, but nothing much was said. So finally, the day was ended, and I was able to go home, and of course, do my usual before going to bed;

- Homework

- Dinner

- Find a place for that letter of mine

- And last, go to practice; where my doom of twenty questions from Shinta will be.

Ah, how lovely my evening would be. 

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((_Alright, so, It's short, but I'm just testing this out. So how was it? Reviews are very welcome!_))


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